I took myself out for breakfast...

to a little cafe in Dicky Beach.

I discovered Peach cider from Sweeden

and ordered something way too big for me to handle.

So I spent the rest of the afternoon in bed and close to the toilet.

But the joy of going out for breakfast makes it all worthwhile....

Yes you are right!

I re-read yesterday's post and man I must have been really grumpy.

I have to focus on the end result instead of focusing on the negatives. But it is so hard when you are hormonal. I actually cried today when a customer got upset with me on the phone! I just couldn't stop crying!!

The thing I am most struggling with is the complete lack of motivation that I have. I haven't done a load of washing in weeks. I haven't cooked dinner for even longer. And when I get home I just want to lie down. It's really hard to not have the energy to do these simple things.

And even more frustrating is that this lack of motivation is affecting my relationships with my friends. I do not have the energy to call people let alone visit them. I really want to cook dinner for my friend once a week but I can't muster any strength to get close to doing that. When someone invites us for dinner I cringe. I am slowly falling out of my life and I don't like it. But I don't have any energy to stop it.....

But to focus on the good things....I am getting in lots of baths. I have been reading a lot and watching a lot of soppy romantic comedies. I have started a puzzle. I am listening to ABC Radio National a lot which makes me happy. And I am growing a beautiful baby inside me.

However, any tips to combat the lack of energy would really help.......

P.S Thank you to those that left me such kind messages. I felt really special xoxo

I am back... but very very grumpy

I have been missing these last weeks for a very good reason - I am pregnant. Yep you read right. After all the hospital visits and terrible trouble I went for a scan and they found a heartbeat! We were so happy we cried and cried.

So I am 9 weeks pregnant and experiencing the feelings that apparently are just par for the course in the first trimester.
Let's see I am SUPER GRUMPY. I am sick in my stomach constantly. Everything I eat is not the right thing and just makes me sicker. That doesn't stop me eating absolutely everything though. And I have never been so tired in my life!
And to top it all off I am back at work doing an job that I hate and that really stresses me. And the two things I used to use as coping mechanisms - wine and food - I can't use anymore!

But I must remember that I am growing our baby inside me. And that all this will pass - please say it will?!!!!

Oh and I must remember that I love my husband and that the things he does really aren't that annoying....... But my grumpy pregnant self just can't cope with him right now!!

I spoke to soon....

I have spent the last two days in hospital. Yep you guessed it, a miscarraige. I am doing ok emotionally - there are reasons for these things to happen, my baby wasn't healthy or it simply just wasn't the right time.

Physically my body feels like it has been run over by a truck. I am still in a little bit of pain and have to play the waiting game for the next week or so (not too good for someone who is extremely impatient!)

Two good things came out of this....

(1) I now know that I can conceive. It is something that I have been worried about for so long and it is wonderful to know that I am able to conceive a baby

(2) I saw the true value of my friend Sal. She is a midwife and I was able to call her when it all started and she gave me the best advice, then she got me into a single room at the hospital she works at in my home town. Sal had arranged with every nurse at the hospital to take good care of me and I got the best care.

I got to see her in her role at work and I was so proud of her and felt so lucky to know her. Her help was invaluable and I have no idea what I would have done without her there.

That I could see my friend for the extremely special person she is was the best thing to come out of all this.

She has two children to go home too and I never realised how hard she works at the hospital. I am determined to help her out more. I thought of maybe cooking her dinner one day a week that she is at work - I know I would love that. But I still need to get her something amazing for helping me out so much. Maybe a holiday....

Anyway, I am doing fine just really tired and a bit sore. I have to try and rest but there is washing to be done and work to be sorted out and I am finding it hard to just lie in bed. But I must....